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My Baby Is As Pretty As A Car Crash
liars make honest friends
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30th-Mar-2009 11:19 pm(no subject)

ive had like an episode a day lately
my brain is sooooo shaky.
and painful.

sometimes i get scared. but mostly not.

maybe i should be?
I don't know.

9th-Mar-2009 11:28 am(no subject)
life as we know it
amazing show!

today should be interesting.
4th-Mar-2009 11:08 pm(no subject)
I had a nice little two tears cry.
My friend and I just reminded eachother why we're best friends and how
we don't have to work at our friendship. it's not measured with time spent together or anything.
it's measured in all the times we've gotten out of bed to help the other one.

Last year she walked me to a drug store in the cold at 10pm to get me medicine and stuff for something that happened and I went to her room when she was alone and sad and waited till 4am after she passed out to make sure she was ok and someone came home for her.

It's things like that that stick in our lives. Know we're always together.

Plus, we text eachother about 400 times a month :)

I don't take all this talking about why I'm amazing very well and I am an awkward person so I try to keep it on the DL but every once in a while, she needs to know I love her. Alot.
4th-Mar-2009 04:49 am(no subject)
I found the best strategy.

I didn't like some people in my program so I didn't IGNORE them I just met new people.

Now I hear from them more and and more and they notice me.

: )

The boy I like is not interested which is ok becasue he's in all my classes and I don't want that.

Big day today and I feel awful. My head is DIZZY and i can't make new thoughts. Boooo.

I am also reaching broke. I'm afraid to see my balance.
28th-Feb-2009 10:40 pm - it hit me today
My friend who I have met & contacted via msn has been exceptionally sad lately and i havent been able to lift her spirits.
she spoke last time about drowning herself and i fear for the wrost.
i talked her mostly out of it, and she obviously didnt want to since she told me.
but i am still worried.
she has been MIA for a while, since I have been so busy.
she promised if she did try anything she'd leave me a message goodbye, which will hurt, but i'll know.

i am cleaning and wont stop until i pass out so i dont have to think about it.

fuck. i am so sad.
28th-Feb-2009 05:14 pm - I have a problem
I have a problem
I buy a shit load of food, then think there is nothing to eat and go out and buy more.

my fridge is full and i find nothing appealing
25th-Feb-2009 05:14 pm(no subject)

I'm going to start back on my journals tonight. I think thats a good idea.

I was dignosed today with anxiety disorder. which can cause seizures I guess but maybe not. my proff said OMG YES YOU ARE SOOOO AN ANXIETY PERSON in the good way teachers say it. my meeting with him was suppose to be 10 minutes, it was 30 and people were waiting too.

The nice thing is... well a couple things
1) no meds.
2) clean room!
3) no meds.
4) it's self treatable.

I mean I could need meds but would rather not.

Also, in the drama/acting talk ihad with my proff he as like "you are a very talented actor. you must be one till the day you die."
and i said "i want to teach it" and he said "well good, but your resume should say actor on it."
it was brillance. i am so happy someone sees soemthing like that in me. He's an excellent judge of character.

the other negati thing today was i didnt get the arts therapist postion i wanted at camp but thats ok. camp is camp. i'm good at what i do there and they made sure to tell me that.

i went shopping and bought like 2 boxs of perogies becasue they were on sale. and some soda. and some hot sauce. tonight is my first night off since reading week and i intend on eating well. because next step is a healthy diet.

ps. i a having random addictions to french. i miss it.

24th-Feb-2009 04:31 am(no subject)

I know everyone says 'a boy' will show up when you least expect it.

But seriously? 2 years is CLEARLY enough time.

I'm sick and tired of playing the waiting game.

Come out come out whereever you are.

ps. this doesn't mean that I'm waiting for THEM to make a move. I haven't actually met more than like 5 guys this whole year.

12th-Feb-2009 11:54 pm - oh woe.
Reading week for me starts tomorrow at 1pm basically. I don't listen in that class anyways, but still. I have to be up for it.

But is it sad I am not looking forward to everyone coming home? All it causes is for me to feel left out, stupid and alone back in this shit hole of a town I live in. When I'm at school, it's all new people, all people that don't come with the kingston label. They are people I am not stuck with for life. Kingston is sticking to me. I hate it.

Like, it starts today. We make plans, they get canceled. Now it's like midnight and I'm hearing talk of plans made 2 hours ago I was not told of and now I have plans with my housemates and our mutual friends so we can have a girls night. Well, thats fine. I'd rather be home with them. I'm just sick of this last minute stuff, like I have nothing better to do.

I like going to classes becasue I have people in them, plus I've met like 8 people this month alone- so it's always new and refreshing.

Classes and my epsiodes are getting closer and closer together meaning I am feeling awful most of the class and am not concentrating. And I'm not sleeping well still, so.

Plus, I had a test today and I had like huge issues with a friend of mine last night and I was just blown away. No drama, just stuff.

But I'm sick of drama! It's suppose to go away! But it's not.

Oh well, I'm glad I leave for toronto Tuesday and I have huge stuff due the weeks I get back, so I probably won't be out much. Just to toronto.

I'll have to find a way to cope- espically when summer comes. Ahh...

Ps. I have my 1st hospital appointment with the neurologist on the 25th. I'm so excited I could die.
29th-Jan-2009 01:07 am(no subject)
apparently i have a seizure disorder. or thats what they think

saturday i had a 'motor seizure' says my mom.
i was shaking so bad my mom couldnt stop me.

i'm just alright with it.
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